Damn you psychological problems...
May. 20th, 2008 10:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zalliaWell, 2 days to go and that panic is starting to set it. My lungs feel tight, my chest hurts and there's a horrible pit in my stomache cause I just know it's all going to go horribly wrong. Even though mentally I know it's usually okay, I always go through this for everything major. And it's times like these when I'm put in charge of something big that I just know I'm going to end up all OCD like my crazy grandma because I have to have everything in order, everything listed out, and everything has to be planned for and perfect. Robert will attest to that when I yelled at him for placemat settings at our office christmas party. Yeah...not one of my finer moments.
But I'm already loathing that costume because it's so incomplete and home-sewn that I know I'm going to look like crap compared to everyone else there. And trying to figure out outfits for everything we may or may not do...I don't even know where this fear of people judging me comes from. My mom's always been pretty cool about that and I was only marginally picked on in elementary school. Even the damn dolls I want to be in the most perfect oufits and worry about what people will think of them. *sigh* Stupid brain problems. Or emotions. Or whatever this is coming from.
On the plus side, I did come across my Clow Book last night. I didn't even try looking for it, but while I was looking for my backpack, there it was on the bookshelf. lol Didn't even think to look for it with other books! I think I'll still keep up the search for the wand or kero though if I have time since they're more iconic.
But I'm already loathing that costume because it's so incomplete and home-sewn that I know I'm going to look like crap compared to everyone else there. And trying to figure out outfits for everything we may or may not do...I don't even know where this fear of people judging me comes from. My mom's always been pretty cool about that and I was only marginally picked on in elementary school. Even the damn dolls I want to be in the most perfect oufits and worry about what people will think of them. *sigh* Stupid brain problems. Or emotions. Or whatever this is coming from.
On the plus side, I did come across my Clow Book last night. I didn't even try looking for it, but while I was looking for my backpack, there it was on the bookshelf. lol Didn't even think to look for it with other books! I think I'll still keep up the search for the wand or kero though if I have time since they're more iconic.
