Dim

[zallia]

Heh, I can never just keep it together. I always have to do the melodrama. I try to be happy and genki all the time, but for some reason I just can't keep it up. There always have to be jags. I've thought I was manic-depressive and bipolar in the past, but I think that's just me being my hypochondriac self. I've never been able to let people get close though. I don't know why. Something's just broken I guess. Maybe not enough self-confidence...I mean, I just KNOW people don't like me. They don't want to like me. They don't want to get to know me. If they did, they'd just be disappointed. I'm always surprised when people DO talk to me. There's always got to be an ulterior motive. I'm just not a good enough person to have people like me. I'm not good enough to be anybody's friend or do any good. Probably never will be either. That's just the way it is though. Has been for a very long time. Maybe I just need to grow up more, or better myself or something. Good times and bad...now is bad. There will be good in a bit though, I think. Just don't know how long. So don't worry about me anybody. This stuff just happens and needs to run its course.